Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Trip to the ER

Yesterday I was scheduled to run 20 miles. As mentioned in my previous post, in addition to my recent poor mood I haven't been feeling physically well since Tuesday. What started as a sore throat and body aches had moved into my chest by Friday. Still, without the body aches and sore throat, I felt better overall, and decided to give my run a shot.

Unfortunately, the day did not begin well. My mood Friday night into Saturday morning was awful. I was heavy and sad. I had decided to run with my friend and the local running group, so I had to drive to the meeting point. As I sat in my car waiting for the run to start, I could hardly move. I was heavy and sad. I felt hopeless. Depression had me gripped tightly in its fist.

Somehow I got my feet to move and began the run, but within the first mile I began having trouble. This time it was my chest more than my mood dragging me down. I had used my asthma inhalers prior to running, but I was still wheezing and working way too hard for the pace I was running. I needed to slow my pace, which I did, and I watched as the majority of the group (20-25 people) ran ahead and out of sight. Metaphorically, that sight was a perfect match for my mood. Heavy, sad, and alone.

I almost turned around at mile three, but a water stop rejuvenated me a bit. I knew, however, I was not going to finish the entire distance. I could have taken an 8 mile route, but I pushed past that turn and forced myself to complete 11, which was a mistake. I ended up walking much of the last mile. I was supremely frustrated with my body's limitations. And I was wasted, mentally and physically. I pushed too hard for my current condition.

By the time I arrived home, took a shower, and attempted to lie down, I couldn't stop coughing. And my coughs were deep and painful. I was wheezing and gurgling. My lungs were heavy and full of gunk. My temperature was high. I tried to rest, but after just a few minutes it became obvious I needed some medical attention. I drove to the emergency room a few miles away.

I think the doctor was pretty impressed with how horrid my lungs sounded. He quickly got me going on a nebulizer treatment. That helped. It took care of the gurgling, but I was still wheezing. The doctor was a little surprised my chest x-ray looked okay, but he thought I was probably developing something worse and started me on a short course (5 days) of Prednisone and antibiotics.

I got home and took the prescribed Prednisone. Shortly thereafter I was able to breathe better and also able to rest. It seemed to help almost immediately. Today, I'm feeling much better. Besides cleaning my house and walking Jet, I've allowed myself to rest. I've got enough fluids in me to run a couple of marathons! And while I'm still coughing, it's a little less painful and a little more productive.

Some of you are probably wondering what the hell I was thinking when I began my run. Well, here's the thing. My mood has been so poor, I knew running would improve it at least a bit. Also, I thought running might actually help loosen up my chest. I've had previous experiences where that has been the case. Hindsight being 20/20, I shouldn't have pushed past the 8-mile turn. Even 8 miles likely would have been too far. Four to six miles was probably a better goal. Deciding to run 20 miles with a group was probably the worst decision I made, as it spurred me to push on, despite how poorly I felt, for fear of what others might think.

The good news is I'm feeling better. Even mentally, I'm a little less low today. I'll wait until tomorrow to make a decision about my next run. I'm going to try to be patient and take as much time as my body needs. Lesson(s) learned.

2 comments:

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I hope you feel better soon! I have asthma, so I know how awful and tiring it is to have such trouble. I hope as you feel better physically, you will feel better mentally.

Christine {dreamBIGrunner} said...

I'm glad you start to feel better. Take it easy for a few days!



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