Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Last Race of 2014

I had a little bit of a bad taste in my mouth from the Chicago Marathon last Sunday, so yesterday I signed up to run another half I ran the Mankato Half Marathon, which was about 90 minutes from my home, this morning. I wanted to run one more time before my hip surgery, Tuesday, sidelines me for the next three months. And I wanted to run well, up to my potential, which I failed to do in Chicago.

My goals this morning were similar to Chicago, run the entire race and finish feeling strong. I started conservatively, following my friend Therese, who was pacing the 1:50 crowd (8:23/mile). I had to combat negative thinking through those early miles, as usual, as we traversed some rolling hills and ran into a significant headwind. But by mile five, the pace felt too relaxed and I soon found myself passing Therese and heading off on my own. I still wasn't sure what to expect, but before long I found myself at mile ten feeling fairly good. I knew with only 5K left I would definitely finish, and I picked up the pace. The last three miles were tough. I was pushing hard, racing, and it felt good. I do love to race. Within the last two miles, I dropped three women I had been dueling with for several miles. That was fun. I finished audibly huffing, but strong, around 1:47:30 (8:12/mile).

It was fun to race. I was happy to meet both of my goals. It makes going into surgery in two days a bit more palatable, though I'm still dreading not being able to run for three months. Actually, I'm a little worried about the next three months. Running is so much a part of my life. It keeps me balanced and mentally healthy. I am really going to have to work hard to maintain my physical fitness while I'm recovering, otherwise my mental health will be in jeopardy. I hope I can stay motivated to swim and bike for the next three months.

My other concern with surgery is, of course, financial. Besides running, I am not allowed to jump or squat for three months either. Jumping shouldn't be an issue, but as a physical therapist I repeatedly squat all day long at work. At this point I'm not sure how I'm going to work effectively without squatting. And since I don't have any vacation benefits, the missed work is going to hurt. I'm hoping to figure out how to work without squatting, but I'll likely still miss many days. Paying the bills will be a challenge. Things have a way of working out sometimes, and I'm praying this is one of those times. I'll have to trust in my higher power on this one.

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