Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, October 30, 2014


Driving down the road, I lifted my right knee in order to move my foot from the gas to the brake. POP!! I heard an audible pop in my right groin area followed by immediate pain. The pain was so intense I became nauseous. When I got home, I had to lift my leg out of my vehicle, and my right groin area had begun to bruise. That was last Friday evening.

I knew immediately something significant had happened. I performed some diagnostic tests on myself (I am a physical therapist, after all) and determined that the source of the problem was likely muscular. Based on the popping sound, the area of pain and bruising, and the inability to flex my hip beyond approximately 95 degrees, I figured I had possibly ruptured a hip flexor tendon. This was not good news.

I was scared and discouraged. Over the weekend I rested, and iced, and took anti-inflammatories. I left a message for my surgeon Monday, and when we spoke on Tuesday he confirmed I had likely ruptured one of the two origins/heads of the rectus femoris muscle (part of the quads). I still have use of my quadriceps, but my hip flexion may, or may not, remain weak long term. There is no way to know at this time. This injury may take up to 5 weeks to heal, so I just have to wait and see.

The surgeon noted the muscle fibers were likely weakened during the surgical procedure. I think he said he had to go through part of the muscle in order to shave the bone. I figure the fibers must have been compromised, as the tendon ruptured with only a slight motion of my hip. I wasn't even doing anything stupid (i.e. aggressive). It has been a discouraging week.

Over the past few days, the pain has diminished a bit, but I still have to lift my leg with my hands if I want to change positions. I'm hopeful it will heal well. The surgeon thinks I will regain my strength eventually, and I sure hope he's right. Weak hip flexion is not conducive to strong or fast running. And of course, that's what I'm most concerned about at this time.

My level of overall fear and concern is decreasing. I was really, really scared and discouraged a few days ago, but since then I've tried to stay in today rather than projecting out into the future. I can't control how this will heal, so worrying about it does me no good whatsoever. I have to practice patience right now. I have to do what I can to get better. That's the only thing of which I have any control. So I'm resting, and icing, and gently exercising. I'm following my restrictions and avoiding pain at all costs. One moment at a time. One day at a time. That's all I can do.


Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I'm sorry about this setback! I hope you heal fully and quickly. I know how frustrating it can be. I've got a pinched nerve in my neck that is causing pain in my shoulder and arm. I've been through 5 weeks of PT, but I still have some pain. I've been discouraged, but I'm just trying to do what I have to do to heal. :-)

nyawela_soandso said...

Set backs suck. But you're handling it very well. By continuing to stick to a modified routine you're not allowing it to defeat you and that's great! Keep on moving forward and be encouraged :)