Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, December 5, 2014

Little low

Things have been a little tough around here. That's why you haven't heard from me this week. I haven't had the gumption to write anything. I'm not sure I yet do, but I wanted to check in. My mood has been a bit low. It's not significantly low, but it is trending that way. That worries me, of course, but I'm trying to stay in the moment and do what I can. Worrying doesn't do me any good. I know that.

Employment is still my primary concern. Unfortunately I have no control over whether there are hours available for me to work. It's stressful, but rather than worry, I'm trying to stay focused on taking care of the things I can control. I've let most of the regional program directors know I'm available to work. I've picked up a couple of hours here and there over the past few days. I'm taking whatever shifts come along. I'm doing what I can. I'm hoping and praying the opportunities to work continue. My mood always improves when I can pay my bills.

I think my mood might also be affected by the approaching anniversary of Puck's death. He died two years ago. For those of you unfamiliar, Puck was my black lab partner for over 12 years. He was only a year old when my depression began, so we'd been through a lifetime together. He was my soul mate. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I miss him. I actually don't mind thinking about him. I'm far enough removed from his death now that thoughts of him make me smile a tearful smile. It's comforting to remember him and our special bond. But I do miss him.

That's all I have for now. The weather is warming, so I think it's time to take Jet for a walk. I don't feel like going, but I need to move. Besides, spending time with Jet always makes me smile.


Anonymous said...

Sorry about your down turn. I think you're right about remaining active though. I force myself to get out into the "real world" even when I don't want to.

Hope it gets better for you.

Unknown said...

I hope your getting outside helped lift you a bit. It does not always help me when others tell me that they share my pain, but...peace & resilience to you...j

nyawela_soandso said...

I'm sorry to hear that your mood has taken a dip. You've done and are doing things in your power to maintain so that is a great accomplishment. Hoping you are able to secure some work hours soon.

Kindernana said...

I watched your videos this morning and am so grateful for your articulation of what depression means . . . And the difference between being depressed and having depression. I will follow your blog, please know that you are never alone.

Unknown said...

I have been just where you sit and depression is a daily struggle. I have dogs too and they help lift my spirits and losing one is painful. I feel for you. I started a blog almost 4 years ago to help dispel the myths about depression and help others really understand the disease. Keep your head up. TAMERA

Anonymous said...

Dear Etta,
Found your blog today while searching for sources of light and healing to help get me through these dark days..and your blog is certainly such. Thank you for sharing your insights and vulnerability. While reading your entries, I am encouraged and inspired to keep going. This illness that we share can be so devastating and lonely. Your blog makes me realize that am not alone and that in itself is comforting. May you too feel comforted. Thank you again. Wishing you all the best.