Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, May 15, 2015

Combating the Black Dog

Things have been a little tough lately. While I've had some good things happening, like the publishing of one of my blog posts on the website, The Mighty, I'm still down with my right Achilles injury. My mood has definitely taken a blow as a result. I have not yet been able to run. In fact, I haven't trained since injuring it April 25th. I've crossed The Med City Marathon, which will be run May 24th, off my list. And I'm not even sure at this point whether I will be able to run my favorite marathon, Grandma's Marathon, in mid-June. I'm so frustrated and disappointed. Being injured is tough, but feeling low again has been even tougher.

I'm trying hard not to worry about my mood, and I'm doing everything I can to keep the downward slide to a minimum. I'm doing the exercise I'm able to do in an effort to stay in shape and stave off depression. I'm throwing myself into my patients at work. Focusing all my attention on each of them relieves my worries and almost always improves my mood. I'm trying to eat well, although this is more difficult for me when my mood is low, but I'm trying. I'm also getting the sleep I need while not giving in to the urge to snooze too much or too often. It's taking a concerted effort to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but it's worth it. I don't want to slide into the abyss.

Getting more information about my injury will certainly help my mood and my anxiety. Knowing what's wrong will at least give me some direction. I saw my orthopedic doctor last week. He took x-rays and did an exam. He's worried about a few things he felt and saw, so I'm having an MRI on Tuesday. He's concerned I have partially torn the Achilles tendon. Hopefully the MRI will give us the information we need to proceed mindfully forward.

Until that time, I will do my best to focus forward, attend to my responsibilities, and keep this dip to a situational low. So far I think I've been successful. I'm satisfied with that. I'm not chipper, but I've been able to keep the black dog from moving in. And I know I will feel better. This is a temporary situation, and it will pass. It will pass. 


Anonymous said...

Hang in there. Yes, runners must run to feel good. I have the same injury and haven't ran in 5 days so the misery index has increased. Today I'll be running a half marathon in Hokus. I'll see how it goes. But I know it will be rest and slow running for a while. Good luck on your recovery. You just have to take it one day at a time...John.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could take some of the burden from your shoulders. Mine are pretty broad (and I'm enjoying an unaccountable respite from my darkness right now). Since I can't, all I can say is I hope you'll beat this.

My right heel has been giving me minor complaint. I think it's because I've been wearing the wrong, retired running shoes for knocking around in. I'm back in the correct shoes, but I fear that most of a lifetime of heel spurs (which had gone away on their own) have left their mark on my feet.

Paul Rodman said...

Injuries are hard to take.

Sometimes i wonder why I try to find the limits of what I can do when it has the potential to cause them.

I really RESENT the downtime when they happen and my inability to run..much more than the benefit of a new PR

Easy does it. tendons take more TLC to heal up