Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Holding Pattern

It's been awhile since I last checked in. I'm sorry about that. I simply have nothing new going on in my life. I'm in a holding pattern. I'm dealing with the usual things. I've been taking care of Jet, working 3 to 4 days per week, going to my therapy group and other appointments, exercising as much as I can without stressing my Achilles tendon, and waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I'm still waiting for my boot to arrive from Europe, that is the boot which will immobilize my right Achilles tendon. I really wish I had it by now. The waiting sucks.

My mood is okay, but I'm terribly frustrated with the waiting. Each passing day postpones my healing another 24 hours. And every day that goes by is also another day of missed training. That's especially distressing. I've accepted the fact that I'm going to miss the entire summer racing season, but I still want to run the New York City Marathon on November 1st. To accomplish that, I need to be training by mid-July. With this delay in treatment, mid-July will soon be a stretch. It's frustrating.

In order to get to July as well as possible, I'm hoping to find something aerobic I can do once my right ankle is immobilized. Four weeks without cardio training worries me. I'm worried about my mood as well as my physical conditioning. I want to keep my brain and my body in the best shape possible, but I'm not sure yet how I will accomplish that. I believe my gym has a cardio machine which primarily uses arms. That should be interesting. If my boot ever arrives, I'll let you know how it goes.


cat1101 said...

Maybe try hula hooping? I get so depressed that I go on and off with it, but it does help me. But maybe it's not so good for your injury. I don't know...

I really applaud you for keeping up your blog. I too deal with very severe chronic depression from Bipolar II and just when I think it's gone for a while, I wake up with severe, brain-crushing agony. Just when I think there is some metaphysical or deep psychological cause to my malady (which there may be as well), I am reminded that it is often just the way my brain functions or doesn't really function.

I have been off of my yoga routine and that helps me a whole lot. I don't know what I would do without exercise. Hang in there. You'll find something to do!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your blog. You are so good about expressing the reality of depression--a brain disease.
I've worked for over 30 years as a mental health OT. It has been a journey trying to help others and myself.
Take really good care of yourself as you heal, rest, and recover from the loss of your relationship. I am so sorry you are going through all this. God Bless you -an appreciative reader in Texas.

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog and I am so in love with your honesty. As I am scrolling through your posts at the wee hours of the morning, I find myself nodding at the many "omg this is so me" moments. The feeling sluggish, can't/don't want to get out of bed days are all too familiar. I noticed you have been suffering from depression for several years and I am glad to know I am not alone. I always thought, why can't I be over this... Things aren't THAT bad I keep telling myself.
I'm glad u found your blog because you confirmed what I already knew needed to happen on my road to recovery, exercise! It's the one dreaded part of the equation that I KNOW will make me feel amazing, yet the lack of pushing myself to do that has not been an easy task. Today, even if it's only for ten minutes, I am going to enter my gym and get my heart rate moving. Thank you and take it easy on yourself! Celebrate the little victories as they are just as important! xo