Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Monday, June 15, 2015

The Boot

I finally received my boot today. My right Achilles tendon is now officially immobilized. It will remain so for the next 4-6 weeks. My right ankle is immobilized in approximately 20-25 degrees of plantarflexion (toes pointed downward, like in a high heel shoe). It's very uncomfortable to walk, so I believe I will use crutches for anything longer than household distances. I'm not sure how work is going to go because it's like I have one leg 6 inches longer than the other, which makes balance an issue. I need to be balanced when working with unsteady patients. I may need to ask for help, and I hate asking for help.

Why is asking for help so difficult for some of us? I'm going to get plenty of practice at asking over the next 4-6 weeks. For example, I can't mow my lawn safely in this boot, so I will need to ask someone at least weekly to push my lawnmower for me. Thankfully, my friend, Pam, offered this week, and I took her up on that offer tonight. But I dread the thought of asking her, or anyone else, over and over again.

It's the same issue at work. We're all busy. I don't want to bother my co-workers or ask them to do part of my job. Even though my bosses said it would be okay to get help, I feel hesitant to ask for it. I feel like I need to pull my own weight, and if I can't, I shouldn't work. Unfortunately, I can't afford not to work. I need to keep working as much as I can. I guess that means I'll be asking for help there, too. Ugh!

The challenges of wearing this boot will be many, I'm afraid. At least I'm less frustrated now that I'm in the boot, and I've begun the healing process. I'm anxious about the outcome, but I'm going to try to put that worry on the back burner. There's nothing I can do today about what will happen six weeks from now. There's no use fretting about it.

I'll be traveling to Duluth this weekend for Grandma's Marathon, this time as a spectator. It will be different standing on the sidelines of my favorite race, but I know several runners who will be participating, so I'll have plenty of cheer to give out. I'm also looking forward to being able to stay out late with friends. That will be really different. That's the silver lining, I guess. Let the healing, and the fun, begin!


Anonymous said...

Life is good, but things do get in the way. I am suffering from some mild injuries that keep me from running--depressing. Life goes on. Recover well...John.

Rachael said...

You're right, its hard to ask for help. However when roles are reversed I like being asked for help - it me feel needed and valued. I try to remember that when I have to ask others for asking is doing someone else a favour. Xx

Unknown said...

you are right in so much that you say hun,, a very good blog... i have a blog about bi polar so bit different to yours, but read if you like :) xx