Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Changing it up

I'm sitting in my house on a beautiful Sunday morning. I'm tired. My mood remains low and my energy lower. I've already napped for over an hour, and it's barely noon. I think I'm really missing running. More specifically, I think my brain and my body are missing running. I'm hoping to motivate out the door after writing this post. I don't have anything planned for the day, but even going out to throw the ball for Jet would probably help my mood.

Despite my low mood and motivation, I did get out of my house yesterday. I grabbed a cup of coffee, threw on my baseball hat, and drove to my AA meeting in the morning. After that, on a bit of a whim, I went to see my friend, Jodell. She cuts my hair. She's been cutting it for 20 years. While I waited for her to finish with another customer, I decided to change things up. Rather than the typical trim of my long, curly locks, I had her cut them off.

I used to wear my hair very, very short, but I've been keeping it long for several years now. (I got tired of being called sir.) Maybe the motivation yesterday was my mood, maybe it was just time to make a change, but for whatever reason, I felt the need to do something different. When I told her to cut it off, Jodell, with surprise, asked if I was sure. I wasn't, but I was willing to give it a try. So my hair is short again, and I have to admit, cutting it did jolt my mood upwards just a bit.

I needed that mood and energy jolt yesterday because I had other errands to run and chores to do prior to going out last night. Some friends and I went to dinner and a play last night. This was especially nice for me, as the star of the play was my friend, Ben, the young man I mentored while he was in high school. He played the villain in a melodrama, and he was fantastic. I felt like a proud mama sitting in the audience last night. I needed that.

Unfortunately, the mood jolt, the energy, and the pride did not make it through the night. I woke up in the dumps, mentally and physically. I'm going to have to motivate myself to do something more than I've done yet today. I've got to change things up again, or I fear I'll only slide deeper into the darkness. I don't want that. It's time to move. Carry on, my friends.


Jim Work said...

Ms E........EZ does it. BIG move on getting the haircut mam!....blessings 2 u.......en theos....j

Nyawela Gianna said...

I hope your mood has had more up-swings than down over the last couple of days. One foot in front of the other.