Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Stomping Around

The news is not good. It's not what I wanted to hear. Predictable, maybe, but nonetheless a blow to my emotional health once stated aloud. My right Achilles tendon tear is not completely healed. I knew that. The news that has me stomping around my house this morning is there really isn't much we can do about it. There are no good healing or treatment options beyond gentle stretching, even more gentle strengthening, and time. It's just a confounding, time consuming, difficult to treat injury. I can't believe it.

The New York City Marathon is out. I knew that. But I wasn't expecting the Houston Marathon in January, 2016, to be out of the question, too! It turns out, I may not even be running by January, 2016! I'm frustrated and disappointed beyond belief. Actually, disappointed is not a big enough word. Crushed might be more accurate. Yes, I am crushed.

And I'm worried. How am I going to get through this? My recent track record is not hopeful. I've spent at least 3 of the 5 months since this injury occurred in the emotional toilet. I'm worried. I'm just home from my doctor, and I'm only motivated to go directly to bed and pull the covers over my head. And scream. And scream...

I'm being dramatic. I apologize. Not usually my style. I just can't imagine another 3, 6, 10 months without running. It's part of who I am, and no, I don't want to change that. Hmmm...dramatic and stubborn. Not a great combination. I'm sorry. I do know this is not the end of the world. I think I need some time to garner a little better perspective. But for now, you'll have to excuse me. I've got more stomping to do.


Anonymous said...

Oh no! That's so unfair and awful for you. What an unlucky injury. I can't imagine your frustration. Do you have any other form of exercise that you can do while your Achilles recovers? Hang in there!

HBF said...

Not dramatic at all, I would say called for! I'm so sorry for this complication in your life, I hope that you can find a temporary replacement for your running while you recover. Be kind to yourself. I hope spring comes swiftly and your Achilles heals well. Go gently and know that it's okay to share your anger and frustration here :)

Anna said...

Oh, Etta, I am so sorry! I worried when you hurt after that first walk...I hurt both Achilles last year--not as bad as yours, but both of them compounded by foot issues. I run a little--nothing like you--but am on my feet all day. I was terrified (and in a lot of pain). The blasted stretching and strengthening combined with the right shoes AND physical therapy--I had a great guy, but I called his work "torture" only half in jest--did slowly get me back on my feet. Close enough to 100% for me. One "off label" thing I used which may have helped is Voltaren. It is for joints, but race horse veterinarians use it for tendons. It definitely helped my feet, and my tendons got it too. I have a lot of respect for the vet that recommended it. I know you aren't a horse, but "a tendon is a tendon"! It's SO pricey in the US, but it is very reasonable and does not require a prescription in Canada or Europe.

Please find a way to keep fighting! You WILL get to the other side of this! I have a friend who tore her Achillea years ago as an active tennis player. She's a runner now and keeps her boot under the bed. If she feels it tweaked, she reaches for the boot. She told me this when I hurt mine, but I have never seen the boot nor seen her limp. You WILL get to the other side of this!! Now I'm going to try to sign off with a name... Learning curve here! You ARE so strong! You CAN DO THIS!!!

Jim Work said... apology needed for the drama. We all have to vent and you have a lot to let go of.
You will get through this as you have all your previous battles. You are a warrior and you will win out over this by fighting and flowing as needed.
I draw so much strength from yours. I always look forward to reading your current situation and how you will weather through it as I know that you always will!

One day @ a time & ez does it. YOU WILL RUN WHEN YOUR BODY IS READY, LET IT HEAL!
monos en theos ††† jas L