Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Monday, September 21, 2015

Summer without a Race

There was a half marathon race in Rochester yesterday. I didn't attend. It was just another in a long list of races on which I have been unable to report this year. In fact, the last time I raced was late October, 2014. Since I began this running thing over 20 years ago, I don't think I've ever gone this long without running a race. It's weird. I realized today the entire summer racing season has come and gone. I missed it all.

And I do/did miss it. I volunteered a couple of times, but it wasn't the same as racing. I missed the buzz of race day, the nerves, and the other runners. I missed the opportunity to push my body to its limit. I missed the potential each race brought--for a new experience, a faster time, or different competition. It was a very strange summer without running or racing in my life.

I'm thinking about this today not only because of yesterday's event, but also because I went for a walk for the first time today. Jet and I have not been on a walk since I tore my Achilles in late April. It's been 5 months since I've even taken a walk! No wonder I don't feel good!

Jet and I walked slowly for about 1.5 miles along our familiar route through the local neighborhoods. I think there was still some snow on the ground the last time we took that walk! I was almost moved to tears just to be outside walking with Jet. And my Achilles did not hurt!

I'll soon have an official Achilles update. I see my orthopedic doctor later this week. I know it's not completely healed, but I am encouraged I was able to gently walk without pain. Hopefully, the doctor will have good news for me. I really miss running.


Anonymous said...

Etta, So glad that you were able to take that stroll with Jet! Can you imagine how many endorphins you have been deprived of in the last 5 months?? Be careful with that Achilles and know that it WILL heal in time. Prayers that being able to walk will lead to MUCH better days!

Anonymous said...

Sounds as though you might be in better spirits, at least a little bit. I hope so. You deserve some respite.

In contrast, I'm really backing off from running lately. I did a 10K last weekend, and got a PR, but I didn't enjoy the experience. I have a 5K this coming weekend that I'm only doing out of obligation, and then a full marathon next month that I'm really regretting I had signed up for. After that, I'm going to reassess my attitude toward running altogether. I have not signed up for any races going forward. It's just not giving me whatever it gave me before. I'm pretty sure its a combination of burn out (August was my highest mileage month EVER -- probably should have done that in milder temperatures) and my depression, which is sucking every bit of motivation out of me.

etta said...

@ Paul: I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly. Although I must admit I am at the same time very envious of your running exploits. It turns out I was a little more hopeful about my Achilles than I had reason to be. Although I was painfree during my walk, pain did set in later in the day. Bummer. We'll see what the doc has to say in a couple days. As for you, take good care of yourself. Moderate your running if it's no longer fun or rewarding. Just do your best and be gentle with yourself. Hoping you feel relief soon.

Anonymous said...

Etta, I've figured out what your Super Power is. You have the ability to encourage people and make them feel better about themselves even when you don't feel that way yourself.