Depression Marathon Blog

My photo
Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Monday, October 12, 2015

Now what?

I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but I have very well-controlled, fairly mild asthma. Over the past ten days, my asthma has gotten worse, and worse, and worse. Over the weekend, my heavy duty special asthma meds, the ones designed for just this situation, were only working for a few hours at a time. Basically, I couldn't breathe! I was constantly short of breath, and go figure, quite anxious. I was fortunate to get an early morning appointment with my doctor today.

My doctor checked me out, and I apparently may have a slight case of pneumonia on top of aggravated asthma. He prescribed me a steroid, Prednisone, as well as an antibiotic. I'm not a fan of taking either, but I am a fan of breathing without struggle, so I'm taking them. And they are already making a difference.

My breathing has improved, but the Prednisone makes me very jittery. It's been awhile since I took it, and I'm feeling better. However, for several hours after taking it I felt like I was crawling out of my skin, and there was nothing I could do about it. It wasn't pleasant. The dose of Prednisone decreases everyday, so I'm hoping for fewer side effects and better breathing each day.

This new medical battle makes me wonder if I'm falling apart at the seams. I'm barely emerging from the desperate lows of my depression relapse, my Achilles tendon is torn, I also just strained my hamstring, and now my lungs aren't functioning well. Oh, and I have to have repeat oral surgery next week. My friend, Wendy, jokingly calls me a "hot mess!" I can't disagree.

I'm working on my radical acceptance of the whole mess--the mess of me! As best I can, I've got to keep moving forward. I could easily mope and feel sorry for myself, but I'd rather not. Acceptance, as difficult as it is, will serve me better. I have to believe things will improve. I mean how much more can go awry? There's not much left. I'm "banged up" from my head to my heel. I'm going to try to stick to my schedule as much as possible despite the medical mess. I can't afford to let my mood be affected. I'm praying for acceptance and health. But really, God, enough already?


In the daylight said...

Hi Etta, seems like you are going through a very hard time right now. I wish you a fast healing and want you to know that you have my virtual support.

Anna said...

Oh Etta, I am sure you want to scream, "Too Much"!! I botched the beginning of the prayer I wrote the other night. It should have begun, "Lord, as I continue to run this race grant me strength and perseverance..." You have an abundance of both of those, and you will get to the other side of this!

Your very normal reaction to the prednisone goes to show how different we all are. I've taken a couple of courses in the past to clear up sinus things, and it would be my drug of choice! When I am myself, I tend to take on too much and try to "overdo". Pred gives me the energy to feel like Superwoman!

You remind me to be thankful for my health! I've pushed my body, but it really has held up well, and I AM grateful. I am determined to follow your example and stick to a schedule to begin picking up the pieces of my life. Baby steps! My mother always said, "This too shall pass!" Let's pray it passes soon!! Anna

HBF said...

Good on ya for working on radically accepting. I think it's just some awful twist of chance that shitty times seem to come with a topper. It's not quite accurate to say "bad things comes in threes" because sometimes it's more like eights or twelves... My topper recently was mastitis. I couldn't believe life would throw one more thing at me and I would break down crying anywhere and everywhere just thinking of it, but I made it-somehow-and you will too. Be gentle with yourself and know you're in our thoughts!

etta said...

@ HBF: "eights or twelves," isn't that the truth! Love it!
Thanks all for your thoughts and prayers. I can use all the help I can get, I think!

Anonymous said...

I like that term , "hot mess." Not breathing well may have really added to your depression so maybe that will lift as the breathing improves. Prednisone is used for so many things. Sometimes the side effects are dreadful so the sooner you can be off of it the better. Funny what you get used to. You dealt with some scary things. I hope it will go better for you now. Take care. I admire your tolerance and strength, Irene.

Nyawela Gianna said...

*sigh* if it's not one thing it's another. It's great that you're mood is balanced to give you a bit of "oomph" to get you past this. Hope you feel better soon!