Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

A little anxious

Tomorrow is the day I begin some semblance of normalcy again. I am returning to a regular work schedule, and I'm jumping right in. I am scheduled to work 8 hour shifts three of the next four days. That's more than I've worked in a week since I got sick in late July. I'm a little nervous about it, which is why I'm writing about it here. I hope getting the worry off my chest will help me navigate the next four days with skill and composure.

While I'm looking forward to getting back to work, earning some much needed money, and interacting with my patients and coworkers again, I also have fears. I fear the full days with little rest will be tough on me physically and mentally. I worry about not being able to handle whatever is thrown my way. I worry about fatigue and mental stress. I fear the ever-looming potential set back.

I am battling the fears. I'm trying not to give them too much time or space in my brain. I'm focusing instead on what I can control. I've already packed my lunch and laid out my clothes for tomorrow. Sounds silly, but the less I have to organize in the morning the better my day goes. Being organized deletes early morning stress, and that translates to more energy I can dedicate to work. I'm going to need that energy.

Having enough energy is a huge concern. I can't control whether or not I will get fatigued, but I'm expecting it. I think that's realistic. I won't be surprised, and I'm already accepting that I may not be able to do as much, like exercise, over the next several days. I'll do what I can, but I'm focusing on work now. Perhaps after a few weeks of a regular employment schedule I can refocus on fitting in my extracurricular activities.

Staying healthy is all about balance for me. I have a feeling the next several days will be slightly out of balance. I may feel more stress. I may be fatigued. I may not spend as much time exercising, taking care of the house and yard, or spending time with Jet, but it will be temporary. I have to remember that. If I continue to focus on the things I can control and quell worry about the things I can't. I think I will be okay. That's my hope anyway. I'll let you know how I do.


Tina Fariss Barbour said...

Hi, Etta. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've been by. I took almost 6 months off from blogging. I had a lot going on in my life and I needed to step away for a while. I'm sorry that meant more or less disappearing from the blog world.

I hope tomorrow will be a good day for you. I know what you mean about getting things done the night before. That helps me in the mornings too.

Anonymous said...

Everything you say here sounds exactly how I approach a big run, like a half or a full marathon. The helpful anxiety that must be kept in control. Planning for fueling during the run. Laying out my clothes and gear. Questions about enuf energy. Eagerness to be in the crowd. Thinking of both the long distance and the short increments that make it up. Knowing there will be fatigue and pain. Being realistic and resigned to them happening. Then jumping in at the starting line.

You know you can run a marathon with the right prep and frame of mind. I think you can show yourself that you can go back to work with the same spirit.

I hope you do well. And I hope you can share it with us.

HBF said...

Sending you balanced thoughts! Don't let the fear tip you over :)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you are better. What help you to feel better this time? Was it the ect treatments and/or change in medications?

Anna said...

Good luck, Etta! I so hope these days go well (or well enough) and that you are able to step back into a work routine and make it work for you!! This post was extremely helpful to me as I struggle for some balance and control in my own life. Thank you and best of luck!!j