Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, November 1, 2015

A new month

It's the first day of a new month. Thank God! October was not kind to me, but I'm done focusing on that now. It's November. It's time to let go of the challenges of the past month and move forward.

Moving forward. That's what I've been doing lately, one foot at a time, one moment at a time. I'm not necessarily enjoying it, or happy, but I'm not paralyzed, or low, or descending into the abyss either. Sometimes, living in the moment is all I can do. Whether I like or approve of the moment I'm in doesn't matter one bit. I just need to live there and keep moving forward, inch by inch, step by step, moment by moment, and day by day.

Because I've kept motivating forward, I made it to the gym 5 of the last 6 days. I feel better every time I leave the gym, even if I have to force myself to get there initially, so I'm grateful for the motivation and energy to continue working on my physical self.

I'm also working on getting back to regular work. I saw patients for 2-4 hours per day for 3 days last week. It was nice to be back among my co-workers and patients. It was nice to feel productive again. Working allowed me to get outside myself and to stop worrying about my physical health for awhile. Every minute spent helping someone else was one less minute spent focusing on my recent challenges. I needed that.

I'm happy to report my mood has remained stable despite the recent health challenges. As I stated earlier, I'm not necessarily feeling light and joyful, yet, but putting one foot in front of the other has at least kept me from sliding backward. My movements are purposeful and planned. Taking the next right action is what it's all about right now. It's not necessarily easy, but it's not as difficult as I know it will be if I don't keep focusing forward. Onward and upward, my friends.


Jim Work said... glad that you are up for the challenge of a new month. I on the other hand just do not look forward to November/December. Too many guests, family gatherings and false masks and "I am doing fine" phony conversations. I am sinking like the setting sun. I just at hate the idea of all the false interactions. Close to crawling into the bed and pulling the covers over my head and scream until mid Jan........really close to tossing in the towel.....jas L

etta said...

One day at a time, Jim, one day. Sending prayers your way.

In daylight said...

Sometimes the smallest of a step forward can be the most difficult. I admire your strength Etta. Especially in these up coming months. As Jim wrote above, I also feel the cold setting in. November and December are definitely the hardest months to stay in the present moment. I'm glad you found new motivation and keep focused. It's ok not to be all joyful, what's the most important is the movement.

Katarina O said...

I've been worried about you. It seemed so "bottomless pit" for quite a while.