Depression Marathon Blog

My photo
Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, December 18, 2015


So today is my birthday. I was born in 1967. You do the math. I'm not thrilled with getting older, especially this old! Having had depression for 15, sometimes tumultuous, years, I don't feel like I've lived as many years as the number suggests. I feel like I've missed a lot. Career, relationship, financial status... none of it is necessarily where I'd like it to be. But it is what it is, right? All I can do is focus on making the most of the day in front of me. I certainly don't want to miss anymore.

I didn't do anything special today. I worked. Some of my co-workers remembered it was a big day, some didn't. That's okay. But can I just say I hate Facebook? I drove home feeling a little sorry for myself. The combination of coming home to an empty house and Facebook kind of had me down. Facebook! Of all things!

Here's the thing, only one Facebook friend wished me a happy birthday all day. Now I'm not a big Facebook user, but I seem to get notified everyday of some friend's birthday. Most of the time I respond to the notification with a little birthday wish on that friend's timeline. So when only one friend posted a little blurb wishing me a happy birthday today, I was, well, I'm embarrassed to say, a little sad.

Thankfully, before I got too deep into my pity pot, I got on Facebook and tried to figure out what was going on. I mean, I couldn't be that unpopular, could I? After much research and a few tutorials, as I said I'm not a regular Facebook-er, I figured out my birthday was not visible on my profile. Apparently, that meant nobody was actually notified of the big event. I changed the setting, my birthday is now visible, and I've already received a few happy birthday wishes from friends. Whew! I don't think my ego could have handled a Facebook shutout!

Now that that's settled, I'm going to spend the evening playing and snuggling with my dog. Unconditional love, there is nothing better. Earlier, I took myself out for dinner, and I'm sure my mom will call soon. I can always count on that. And there's my phone now. It's my brother. All is good in etta's world. And tomorrow will be another day, the first of another year. Life moves on. I'll keep moving on with it. Carry on, my friends!


Rachael Wood said...

Happy Birthday Etta!

Through Darkness In Daylight said...

Happy Birthday Etta! Glad you figured it out with Facebook. I wish you all the best for the upcoming year. Stay strong and keep writing ;).

HBF said...

Happy Belated Birthday,it makes me happy to hear of it :) and may I say-pardon my French-FUCK FACEBOOK! I done removed my birthday just to avoid disappointment and bad feelings and awkward feelings around those birthday wishes :) Now I feel like a super secret sneaky ninja if I get through a birthday with NO obligatory felicitations! I still have Facebook but boy, we aren't quite friends. Carry on my friend :)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Etta! I'm not a friend on Facebook, otherwise, I would post there.

Your point about depression robbing us of our years is really striking a chord with me. There are days when I sit in the dark and wait for the hours to pass so I can just go to bed and forget about my life. I suspect that some day I will look back and regret those lost days when I might have done something else with the hours. You've given me something to think about.

Jim Work said...

Etta......HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL, throw some confetti on that pity party. Heck I graduated high school in 67, so you do the math. I self medicated my way through the 60s, 70s, 80s, & 90s. Life has had it's ups and downs and this year has been the worst as for health problems. Two surgeries, three "procedures" and they ain't done with me yet. MRI on my back next Wed. so the doc can see where to stick in the needles in on the following Monday, hopefully to kill the pain.
Opp's sorry, didn't mean to take the gloss off those balloons. Throw yourself a party, you have lifted me up with your trials & triumphs.
Enjoy the dance, nobody is a watching.......en theos.....jasL

Anna said...

Happy Birthday, Etta! one more reason to put off's to making the most of our days!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Belated Birthday! Grateful for your blog and your transparency! So happy you are doing better.

Mary L. said...

Happy Birthday🎂

Jean Grey said...

Happy Birthday!

I also feel younger than my years- that I am not where I would have been if not for my illness, but I am where I am. I can only make the best of that. And I see how you do.