Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Stuff...a lot of stuff

Stuff happens. And I've got a lot of stuff going on right now. I seem to be accumulating more and more weight on my sagging shoulders. Carrying all that stuff around is getting a little heavy. Mentally I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a vast expanse of quick sand looking for safe way to cross without sinking. Somehow I've got to unload the accumulated weight, keep moving forward, and deal with what comes next.

Next. Monday I've got surgery on my Achilles tendon. The three months of recovery begins with 4-7 days of non-weight bearing on my right foot, another 1-2 weeks of immobilization in a boot, at least one week off of work, and no exercise for at least two weeks. And of course those timelines will hold only if everything goes perfectly. With my luck over the past several months, I'm not too confident anything will go perfectly.

Next. Tuesday I'll be back at the orthodontist getting braces on my bottom teeth and preparing my right canine tooth for, next, oral surgery on Thursday. By Thursday afternoon I'll be in pain top and bottom. I'll be sitting in my living room icing my ankle and face, unable to bear weight on my right foot and unable to chew on the right side of my mouth. Perhaps I should get some movies...or maybe a few sleeping pills!

I'm worried. I'm concerned about being isolated in my home after my surgeries. The inability to work makes me very worried about paying my bills. I'm concerned two weeks of inactivity will stifle my physical, and even more concerning, my mental health. I'm concerned about pain running me down further. I'm anxious about what lies ahead.

Feeling weighted down, shoulders sagging, I know I need to fight to hold my head up. I feel like I'm already fighting, but I'm also already a little tired. The physical and emotional toll of what lies ahead scares me. I feel like I've begun a bit of a downhill slide, and I need to arrest it quickly, for I fear I will need all my strength to get through the upcoming weeks. I pray for the strength to carry on, to keep moving forward, and to deal with what comes next.


Julie Gathman said...

I'm pondering these struggles along with you. This dental thing is so maddening! I would have though it would be simple, just like you did.

Nathalie Webb said...

Good luck with all you have to deal with Etta. Am in a similar though less difficult situation have teeth problems, late complications to ankle fractures of a year ago,also a bereavement and fear of future isolation and current lowering of my mood. I will be thinking of you as you face your challenges. You are a very brave lady.

Betty K. said...

Etta, I will be thinking of you during this time. Hang in there. Yes, it eels daunting to think about. Take a day at a time. Hugs to you.