Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

A stressful day

If you've been following along, you already know I've been busier than I'm accustomed to at work. In fact, this week I'm working 5 full days, including Saturday. And the days have been full! Today was a particularly stressful day, and I just need to vent a bit, or I'm afraid I won't be able to sleep a wink tonight.

I started out in one building where I had a full morning of patients. A couple hours into my day, an unscheduled outpatient walked in asking me to look at a pain in her right side. I told her I could look at it, literally, but I couldn't do any treatment without a doctor's order. She was quite unhappy with me. I convinced the patient to sit down and rest, as she didn't look good, and I was worried.

Unfortunately, within 30 minutes the patient deteriorated to the point of requiring urgent medical attention. Despite repeatedly vomiting and dangerously staggering around the office, the patient was adamant that I not call an ambulance. With help from other staff, we convinced her an ambulance was necessary, and we made the call. I have no idea what happened, but I sure hope the patient is okay. It was a very unexpected, tense situation.

The stress continued the rest of the day secondary to the sheer volume of patients we are currently treating at two different sites. I spent more hours than I cared to at work the past two days. I had to rush to get to my cycling class last evening, but despite rushing home tonight, I could not make it to my regular 12-step meeting. I was exhausted, and I needed to take care of Jet.

I really could have benefited from that meeting, though. My adrenaline was still running high when a friend from my recovery program called a couple of hours ago. She's new, and she asked me to help her out. Unfortunately, I'm worried about her. After listening to her explain why she couldn't do this, didn't like that, and didn't think the other was fair, I finally had to speak up.

I was blunt. I told her I was worried about her. I told her I didn't think the path she was taking was the healthiest path. I told her what worked for me in early sobriety, and while I couldn't tell her what to do, I didn't think she was putting forth the effort required to stay sober. Like I said, I was blunt. But I felt I had to be. I'm worried about her.

It turns out being blunt is also stressful. Through her tears, she thanked me, but I still felt guilty when I got off the phone. After all, I made her cry! I immediately called two other women in recovery. I was concerned I had been mean, but they both assured me I did the right thing. One of the women even told me I was fighting for my new friend's life, and that requires directly telling the truth. Tell the truth I did.

I'm still a little revved up. I'm also exhausted. I'm glad I handled what was in front of me today, and I even think I handled things to the best of my ability. Nevertheless, I hope tomorrow is a shorter, quieter, smoother, less stressful day. I hope.


Anonymous said...

You're exhausted. You're stressed. You're overworked. And yet you still take the time to help someone else.

HBF said...

That does sound exhausting! I'm glad you reached out to those other ladies for reassurance and I hope you are able to get some rest and some easier days coming your way! I'd be revved too. Hang in there :)