Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Stomping around

Warning. I'm in a crappy mood. I've been stomping around all day. My day began well. I got up early and attended a 45 minute cycling class. That was tough, but I like tough. I felt good afterward.

After my class I took my vehicle to an appointment with the mechanic. Recently, I've felt my seat shaking when braking at high speeds. I was pretty certain the rear brakes, which I just had replaced within the last two months, were screwed up again. That was good, I thought, as they'd certainly have to repair them at no cost so soon after they'd replaced them.

My hopeful feeling didn't last. Within 30 minutes the service manager called and reported his mechanic actually felt the shaking in the steering wheel. Uh oh... I knew a shaking steering wheel meant the front brakes were likely bad. The service manager confirmed this. Both of my front calipers, an expensive component of the braking system, were stuck and needed to be replaced.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! Since December 1, 2015, this is the fourth major fix I've needed on my vehicle. My vehicle is not that old (2006), nor does it have a ton of miles (130,000) on it. Furthermore, calipers, according to several references I Googled, often last the lifetime of a vehicle. If a caliper does get stuck, it usually happens on only one wheel. It's exceedingly rare, the service manager told me, for two calipers to stick at the same time. Right.

Just before the New Year, both of my rear calipers got stuck, at the same time, and had to be replaced. And now, according to the service manager, the same thing has happened to both of my front calipers! Ridiculous. Oh, and did I mention my microwave died earlier this week?

I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. I'm frustrated and irritated. I feel like I have a target on my back. Including the $600 repair bill today, I've now spent $2,611.90 on my vehicle since December 1st. So I'm stomping around. I'm not appreciating these repeated financial challenges.

In December I was just getting back to regular work, after the Fall depression relapse, when the first two expensive repairs came along. And as a result of not being able to work after my Achilles surgery 4 weeks ago, my checking account today was already quite thin. I'll be working more hours in the months to come, but many of those dollars were already earmarked for a couple of summer home projects. It feels like I'll never catch up.

I'm tired of the fight today. Stomping around does me no good. I know that. But it's all I can muster right now. I'll work on my acceptance of "the things I cannot change" tomorrow. This too shall pass. I know that, too. I just wish it hadn't had to be in the first place.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Moods are impermanent , so maybe now it has eased for you. Money problems and anxiety go well together. I look back and wonder how I got from there to here. Nothing extra, but ok for now. Don't go too far with future dread if you can help it. Irene