Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Fatigue, thoughts, and mood

I apologize for going missing for almost a week. I don't have a lot to say. I continue to be very busy working. It feels like I have little time to squeeze in my other obligations, like exercise, meetings and Jet. I was doing fairly well this week until about Thursday. That's when the fatigue really hit.

Wednesday was my day off. I managed to sneak in a nap between errands, appointments, and chores, but apparently that wasn't enough rest. By Thursday morning I could barely get out of bed. It felt like all the energy had drained out of my body. My brain and my body felt like lead.

I pulled myself through the rest of the work week, made it to a cycling class and a meeting this morning, but since then I've been on the sofa. I'm a little concerned. Despite several hours of sleeping off and on, I've got the beginnings of a migraine. My mood is a little low. And my thinking is a bit off.

My off-thinking concerns me. I've been having some scary thoughts over the past several days. I don't usually have these thoughts. They typically only occur when I'm not doing so hot. They are intrusive thoughts about horrible, usually violent things happening to my dog, Jet, or to people I care about. I hope the presence of these thoughts is not a signal of depression around the corner.

Just in case, I'm being hyper-vigilant. I wanted to do a couple of other things today, but I'm going to be okay with staying home and doing nothing. I may even rest my eyes some more if I feel I need to. I'm going to pay attention to my nutrition, stay away from sugar (hopefully), and tone down the intensity of my exercise for now. I'll keep moving, but not to the point of further sapping my energy.

My hope is I can stop the fatigue in its tracks. Less fatigue and improved energy will hopefully lead to fewer scary thoughts and an improved mood. One foot in front of the other, my friends. I guess I had more to say than I thought.


HBF said...

Well said, dear. I so identified with this post as I pushed myself a little too far on Thursday making Friday and Saturday definitely suffer because of it.

The tired and achy feelings were one thing, but the sudden fascination with how my family has reacted to the death of my aunt and thinking of how my own death would affect them... that was my own "off-thinking" that got me worried. It swoops back in so quick! So many days free of that darkness and then BAM. Ugh.

You are doing the right thing being cautious and giving yourself some extra care and boosts. It's hard to find that healthy balance between worrying just enough and worrying yourself into a dark corner. I hope you find the balance and work through this in a healthy way and move on without a backslide; that's what I'm working on over here :o)

Keep at it. You can do it. I'll be thinking of you, rooting and hoping for you!

Jennifer Cooke said...

I agree thank you for the post, nice to know I am not the only one struggling with day to day life with depression. That care and know you have a world of support.