Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Can't listen anymore

I just turned on a baseball game. I've been listening to National Public Radio all day. That's my usual Sunday routine. But unlike usual Sundays, my radio has not been filled with clever quips and laughter today. My usual shows, Car Talk, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, and Prairie Home Companion, have, of course, been preempted today by constant reporting about the tragedy in Orlando, Florida. I can't listen anymore.

This tragedy... this hate crime... this terrorist attack... this murder of 49 people is really affecting me. I've never mentioned this here before, but I used to be a part of the very community targeted in this attack. Like the Boston Marathon bombings, this one feels too close. And I don't get it! I just don't get it.

I can't listen anymore. I feel overwhelmed by the enormity of one person's hate. It sickens me. I'm shocked, horrified and angry. My heart aches for the victims and for the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people directly impacted by this small-minded murderer's actions. Why? Why? I don't understand.


Tammy Warner said...

I hear you. How can we make sense of it when it makes no sense. We cannot comprehend it because his mind was sick, which is not an excuse. But someone who is not sick would not do something so horrible. That's why we can't comprehend it, because even in a depressed mind, killing someone else is incomprehensible.

The Girl said...

I completely understand. I have learned over the years that sometimes I have to turn it off. To distance myself from something horrible that has happened, that makes me so angry. I don't get it either. I know I will never understand why this person chose to do what he did. I can't comprehend how anyone can justify violence like that, and unfortunately some people out there do think it's justified. To me that is horrid, unrealistic and extremely ignorant. So it angers me, a LOT. I read some coverage but I made sure not to get too deep into it, because my anger starts with one thing, then magnifies until my BPD controls me and I'm just angry non stop. I think pulling back is a good thing. It doesn't mean you don't care, you are just taking care of yourself. <3

Lance Tranter said...

You couldn't have worded it any better. My thoughts have been exactly this when hearing all about the Orlando tragedy; it only grates at me more for being part of the community that was targeted.
Love your blog! The first time I've come across it, but I can't wait for your next post already.

Irene said...

There are bad ideologies. And people may hate me for saying this but I find all religions archaic. And because long ago we were filled with fear of the unknown, understandably, these religions all have their who to hate manuals.

I know people who say religion teaches them morals but I find all of them full of homophobia, mysoginy, racism and inhumane sexual obsession. I think it is an organizing unit of hatred that needs to either fade away or be observed entirely as lessons in history rather than anything to live by.

Islam texts at this time seems to be the most vile and certainly in need of modification. Beliefs matter. The shirt our brains believe is incredibly faulty.

I love pema chodron when she commented "that we already have everything we need. There is no need for self improvement. There is nothing wrong here. I haven't done anything wrong."

Religion continues to be the art of intolerance. Why do people pretend it is about love.