Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

untitled

This post has no title, as I truly have little to say. My brain has been preoccupied this week. I'm still ruminating about my oral surgery consult from last week. Ruminating is no good. It's a total waste of energy. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling a little more tired this week, too.

It's one thing to know ruminating is a total negative drain. It's another thing, apparently, to actually stop it. I'm worrying about the huge financial drain of the upcoming surgeries. I'm worried about the huge amount of time before my mouth will be normal again. Actually, there's no guarantee my mouth will ever be normal again. That's really stressing me out! It's odd. I'm not even scared about the pain, and there will be pain. I'm anxious about all the other crap, none of which I have control over. I've got to reign it in.

Despite my worried brain churning in the background, I'm doing okay otherwise. Work has been busy, but I'm handling it. Working more hours would actually help quell some of the financial fear, but my mood suffered when I tried that a couple of months ago, so I'm resisting the urge to do so.

I'm exercising as much as my energy will allow. I'm starting to get some of my running shape back and dropping some weight, which is exciting. That certainly helps my mood. I'll be traveling to Grandma's Marathon next week. It's the 40th anniversary of my hometown race, so it will be tough to be an observer, but I'm looking forward to the excitement and energy nonetheless.

I'm also looking forward to spending time with some close friends, my parents, and hopefully my brother and his family while up in Duluth. It will be great to focus on those valuable relationships rather than on my lack of race participation. I'll race again, but future moments with friends and family are never guaranteed. I'm not going to waste them.

Finally I'm really excited to spend some time by the big lake. I love Lake Superior. It is my happy place. Calm serenity washes over me whenever I'm fortunate enough to stand on it's shore. I've been to several wonderful, beautiful places around this world, but Lake Superior remains my favorite.

And that's all I've got. Carry on, my friends.

3 comments:

paullamb said...

Have you considered volunteering at Grandma's? I've done that a few times, and I've found it a way to be a part of the event and get some warm fuzzies as well.

HBF said...

Sorry to hear about the ruminating, I've been battling my own anxiety battles of late and I know how exhausting-mentally and physically-it can be. I like to read about your taking to the lake though, the distraction is good and it sounds rejuvenating! Sending you luck and hoping you find more and more calm :o)

etta said...

@ paullamb: Yes, volunteering is wonderful. I've done my share at local races and marathons, but not yet at Grandma's. I'm sure I'll take the opportunity to help out there someday, too.

@ HBF: I hope your anxiety decreases, too. Try Lake Superior! I highly recommend it!



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