Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Weekend away

I'm back from my weekend in Duluth where, if I wasn't still injured, I would have run Grandma's Marathon. I had a nice time, but not great. I felt conflicted most of the weekend and kind of wished I hadn't gone. But at other times I was glad I was there. I spent most of the time with my mom and stepfather. I saw my friends a bit. And I spent some time alone down by the lake and on the golf course. It was warm and sunny, no good for running a marathon, but fine for visiting.

The weekend got off to a rough start when I saw a dog get hit on the highway within 30 minutes of leaving home. The dog was severely injured and likely died. I cursed the owners for letting their dog run loose so close to a busy highway. But I couldn't get the image of that poor dog out of my head for the rest of my 3.5 hour drive. It sickened me, and the repeated imagery was quite distressing.

I spent a couple hours Thursday afternoon at the marathon expo, where I picked up my race packet anyway, and then had dinner with my friends and a large group of their friends and colleagues. That was fun, and the distraction finally relieved me of the dog images, an extra bonus. My stepfather and I spent a few hours golfing together Friday. We're both beginners, so it was at times frustrating and at others comical. We had a good time, though. My parents and I finished off the afternoon with a late lunch, some ice cream, and a walk down by Lake Superior.

I planned to watch the marathon Saturday morning, but for the second year in a row, I didn't. By the end of the evening Friday, I was feeling mounting disappointment about missing the 40th anniversary edition of my hometown, and favorite, marathon. I woke up in a funk Saturday morning, so I went out for what turned out to be a bad breakfast with my parents instead of venturing down to the race.

The funk continued after breakfast. I couldn't even lift myself from my mom's couch despite the beautiful Duluth day. Finally, after dozing on and off most of the day, I dragged myself out to a little golf course nearby. I planned to just hit some practice balls, but there was hardly a soul on the course, so I played a relaxed nine holes instead. That was a good decision. The time alone, the exercise, and focusing on something besides missing the marathon was good for me.

After taking my stepfather out for Father's Day breakfast early this morning, I drove home. I wanted to get home. I'm still not sure how I feel about the weekend overall. I guess it was okay. I'm happy to be back in my home, though. I picked up Jet from the dog sitter, gave him a hug, got some exercise, and after finishing this post, I'll likely be ready for a nap. I like my house. It's not much, but it's my space, and I'm comfortable in it. After my weekend away, filled with mixed emotions, I needed to get back here. I'm looking forward to resuming my regular routine.


paullamb said...

I saw a dog get hit by a car when I was in high school. It still haunts me 40 years later.

HBF said...

The mixed emotions sound confusing but I'm glad you were able to experience some positives among the negatives and hopefully getting back to your regular routine will boost the positive for you :o)

Anonymous said...

Life is bittersweet. Sounds like you had it all.