Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Cooped up

I think I need to get away. I'm feeling cooped up and restless. Before major depression cleaned out my bank accounts and limited my future earning potential, I used to travel whenever I could. I enjoyed getting away.

I love to travel. Nothing extravagant, I actually prefer to wander off the beaten path. Even if I find myself in a major tourist destination, I like to learn from the locals and see the things they find interesting or important. I like to eat at local diners rather than tourist-filled restaurants. I don't think I've ever hailed a cab. If I don't rent my own vehicle, I prefer to walk or use public transportation. Again, it brings me closer to the local daily life. I like to learn.

Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I need to learn something new. I don't know though. Suddenly, that sounds overwhelming. I think I just need to get away, to see something new and different, to do something new and different. I've been focused on daily tasks lately. Since I'm feeling like my mood may be on shaky ground, I've been concentrating on taking the next right action, and then the next, and the next. I've been staying on top of things and getting things done.

I'm getting through my days, but I'm flat. I'm working when I need to work. I'm exercising when I need to exercise. I'm completing chores when they need to be done. I'm even socializing more than usual. But I'm restless. I'm lacking excitement. I'm usually totally happy with my pleasantly boring life, but today I guess I need a bit more.

I better start making some plans. I've been spending a lot of time online researching some pretty fantastic far away places, but those, out of necessity, are long range tentative plans. I think I need to find something more immediate than that. Maybe Jet and I should go for a hike this weekend. I'm sure I can find a Minnesota State Park I have yet to visit. Will that be enough? I don't know, but it's worth a shot. At least I'll be away.

1 comment:

Katy said...

Etta, I'm so excited that you posted my comment from your post titled, "Flat". You are a celebrity to me, honestly. I love seeing your new entries, and I really appreciate your honesty. I just wanted to say that I understand what you are describing, and I think that is actually pretty amazing that you are on top of your chores. Make sure to give yourself a big shout out for that. That is actually pretty difficult to do sometimes. The day to day things are hard to accomplish and stay on top of. Reading your entry helped me get outside of myself for a moment, and it is helping me have a better day. Thank you so much for that. Much love from New Orleans, Katy and Family If you ever decide to travel to New Orleans, I would love to meet you. It would be meeting a celebrity for me! I have started running again, and I'm trying to bike, too. I have started going to a nutritionists because I am about 40 pounds overweight. Part of my issues include emotional eating that helps me deal with my mental health. Thanks for letting me comment. It really helps me. If you don't mind, I will comment and share my blog. I have no viewers yet. I am writing under a pseudonym right now.