Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Careful what you wish for...

I believe it was just 2 or 3 posts ago that I was complaining about feeling cooped up and wishing for some excitement in my life. I wonder if I can retract that wish? The wish actually came true, but it's been the wrong kind of excitement infiltrating my life lately.

The morning after the post, I had the pleasure (sarcasm) of being reamed out for 20 minutes by a patient's angry spouse. That stressful situation went unresolved for a week, and it continues to cause me grief. I've not yet recovered from her tongue lashing, or my resentment, but I'm working on it.

Unfortunately, today I was blessed (sarcasm) with another obstacle to battle. I'm in the midst of more very stressful drama with my teeth. Long story short, I may lose another molar. I'm being treated for an infection of another old root canal. You may recall I lost a molar less than a year ago for the same reason. If the high doses of two different antibiotics don't cure the infection, this molar, on the other side of my mouth, will have to be pulled, too.

I really don't know if I can handle the removal of another tooth. This 2.5 year process, which was only supposed to last 18 months, of getting braces in order to pull down my right canine tooth, which after 14 months of pulling turned out to be ankylosed and had to be removed, and the loss due to infection of an upper left molar, and the long process of bone grafting, which may or may not be successful, and then hopefully surgical implants to replace the canine and molar, has already been exhausting, exasperating, and painful. This was all supposed to turn out so, so differently. I'm not sure I can go through anymore drama with my teeth.

Of course, I am sure I don't have a choice in the matter. Drama or no drama, I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue to take the next right action. That's all I can control.

If this molar, on the lower right side, has to be removed, it will have to be removed. I'm praying hard for the pain to subside and for the infection to clear. And I'm praying really hard that the infection never returns so I can keep the tooth, and for the braces to do their job so I can begin bone grafting, and for the bone grafting to be successful so I can get the implants, and for one day to have a normal mouth again! That's all.

Is that too much to wish for?

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