Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Plugging along

I'm surprised it's been nearly a week since I last wrote. Maybe it's because my last post is still relevant today. I've had a decent week. At least there have been no big dramas with regards to work, or my teeth, or running this week. It's been a decent week. I'm plugging along.

As happened last week, some things have gone okay, some things not so much. My mood has been in the latter category. I barely got out of my house at least a couple of mornings this week. I so, so wanted to call in sick, but I wasn't sick. I was heavy, and empty, and hopeless, but I wasn't sick. I didn't want to go, but I knew if I stayed home I would only feel worse. Letting depression control my actions always has that effect, and I didn't want to allow that. Besides, patients and co-workers were counting on me to show up, and that's important to me. So I went to work.

I knew getting to work would likely help me feel better, and it did. Work went well despite my mood. I may have been a little less patient, and was probably a little irritable at times, but I always felt better at the end of the day than I did when I arrived. Working with others, helping others, forced me to shift my focus outside myself. If I had stayed home, I would have had my focus all to myself. That certainly wouldn't have helped. I'm glad I made it to work.

I'm also glad I was able to run this week, again despite my mood. I had to take a nap before every run in order to summon the energy to go, but go I did. I ran Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. And then today, I ran long. In fact, Jet and I ran 15.7 miles today. I was really tired when I finished, but I'm so glad I was able to get it done.

I did have a scare in my 13th mile, as my right Achilles began to hurt. It happened suddenly. I took a step, and it hurt. Concerned, well scared, I slowed down to a walk immediately. I prayed, out loud, to God. "Please give me a break!" I was 3 miles from home, so after a minute I began slowly jogging again. It hurt for another minute or so, and then it stopped. I was okay for the rest of my run. I've iced it and rested it, and it's still okay. I'm so grateful. I'll be back on the ElliptiGo tomorrow.

Or maybe I'll be back in the woods tomorrow. I feel like I may need to do something different, like maybe that will help my mood, so I may go for a long hike in the woods tomorrow rather than ride my ElliptiGo. It's supposed to be a beautiful day. Maybe I'll go to a nearby state park and explore some of the trails Jet and I didn't get to on our last hike. The woods usually help my mood, and spending time with Jet is always good.

After that, and a good nap, I'll keep plugging along into next week. I wish I was feeling better, but I'm grateful my mood hasn't gotten worse. Despite feeling low, very low at times, I've been able to get done what I've needed to get done. I'm also grateful for that. Depression has beaten me down a bit this week, but I'm still standing. I take some comfort in and strength from that. Carry on, my friends.


Julie Gathman said...

I really appreciate how you remember to be grateful. I've learned from it. It's necessary to report and describe the challenging, yucky, and bad stuff, too, so don't stop doing that. But I like how you include thoughts of gratitude in the midst. It really lifts me up.

Julie Gathman said...

Thanks for being faithful to post, even when you don't feel like it. I get inspiration from your reflections, even when things are painful for you. It doesn't have to be all positive, to give other people courage.