Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Merry Christmas

I was contemplating being alone on Christmas Eve while Jet and I were out on a lovely, warm, 7-mile late afternoon run earlier. There was a ton of traffic. Between the early service Christmas Eve church goers and the last minute shoppers, the roads were bustling. But Jet and I had the paved bike trails, some of which parallel those busy roads, all to ourselves.

I found myself wondering what those drivers thought about a lone, female (and her dog) running on Christmas Eve. I wondered if some of them, assuming correctly I was spending the day alone, felt sad for me. That was, after all, the common reaction among my coworkers and patients earlier this week. But I wasn't sad then, and I'm not sad now.

I really enjoyed my solo run this afternoon. Unlike the travelers bustling around me, I didn't have any church commitment or last minute gifts to buy tonight. I didn't have to be anywhere except right where I was on that uncluttered bike path with my dog. I felt peaceful and serene.

This morning I volunteered to work some extra hours at the hospital, and I really enjoyed my patients and coworkers. My patients seemed extra grateful for treatment received today, a holiday weekend, even though we always treat patients on holidays. And my coworkers were quite appreciative. They were extremely busy and way under-staffed. I felt glad to be able to help. I left there feeling fulfilled.

I took a long nap after work and before my run, which was also lovely. I just got out of a long, hot shower. And now I'm sitting here, geeking out with my feet up, a football game muted on the television while I listen to a public radio Christmas variety show and blog. Being alone isn't so bad.

I like the peacefulness I feel today. I'm not sure what it's all about. I guess I'm just a loner at heart. I'm sure if I was with family or friends, I'd be enjoying that time, too, but this has been a good day. It's been a day of my choosing. Except for work this morning, I had nowhere to be, no expectations to meet, nobody to please. I did what I did when I wanted to do it. It's been nice.

I have been invited to two Christmas dinners tomorrow. I appreciate the invites. It will be nice to spend some time with friends. I'll go to one dinner, but other than those couple hours, I'll spend tomorrow alone with Jet, too. And that's okay. I'm grateful to feel at peace this Christmas. I wish all of you peace, joy, and serenity, too. Merry Christmas, my friends.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"Being alone isn't so bad." and "I guess I'm just a loner at heart."

I love those two sentiments. I identify with them. I hope you get what you seek on the holiday. And all of next year. And all of your life.