Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, January 12, 2017

I hate being sick!

My coworker awoke Monday morning with a sore throat, muscle aches, and congestion. She came to work for a couple of hours, which is exactly what I would have done because we are so, so busy, but she did go home before lunch. Apparently that was too late. I'm sick. And I hate being sick!

I felt it coming on as I was leaving work yesterday. Now I have a sore throat, muscle aches and congestion, too. My coworker, who never misses a day, has been out of work 3 days in a row. But unlike my coworker, who as a full time employee has benefits like sick time, I can't afford to miss 3 days of work. As a part time employee, I do not have the same benefits. So besides feeling awful, I'm stressed about the potential of missed income.

I'm pretty sure getting stressed about something that may happen won't help me feel any better today. So I'm trying to focus on the things I can actually control in the here and now. I have cancelled all of my scheduled appointments and activities for the day. I started taking a zinc-based product, which in the past has helped me avoid serious illness, but right now I feel like crud.

I don't like feeling like crud because it feels too similar to some of my depression symptoms, and that makes me nervous. That's another reason to really try to take care of this today. In the past I have had episodes of depression arise out of physical illness, and the longer the physical illness lasts, the more likely the depression.

It seems everything which occurs in my life comes back to depression, either avoiding it or treating it. I wonder if that's similar for people with other chronic illnesses, like diabetes or MS? Hmm...interesting question. Anyway, that's all I have for now. I don't want to, but I better crawl back into bed. I've been up for a couple of hours, and I'm already exhausted. Damn.


The Real McCoy said...

I hope you feel better very soon! A few friends of mine have had the flu lately, but so far I've been able to avoid it (knock on wood!).

But I wanted to say that I completely relate to your saying that physical illness feels too much like depression. So often when I'm physically ill I have this dread that I will never feel better; I can't remember what it's LIKE to feel better; and I beat myself up for not having more energy. Not helpful! Get your rest, it always helps.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you're sick. Fingers crossed (because that totally works!) that you're better soon.

I hear many people with chronic disabilities say that they are NOT their disability, but having had depression for 50 years, I wonder who I am aside from it. Sometimes I think I AM my depression.