Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 18 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Back inside

I readmitted myself to the hospital last night. I'm disappointed beyond belief to be back here, to need to be back here, but it's what I needed to do. I was having trouble with the basics of taking care of myself, and people around me were getting worried. So here I am. Bored. Lethargic. And tired. But safe.

I don't know how long I'll stay inpatient. I don't yet have a plan other than I will continue with ECT on Monday. This has been a tough episode. Seems like it's got to start changing course soon. I don't want to be here too long. I'd really like to get back to running, and I already miss Jet. But none of that will matter if I don't start feeling better soon.

Thank you all so much for your supportive comments over these last several days. Your thoughts and words really do make a difference. Thank you for taking the time to share.


Truth Needed 9 said...

It is good that you have admitted yourself to a place you feel safe. Hopefully your doctors can come up with a plan to help you fight this terrible state you are in. I am uncertain why you are continuing with ECT since I believe you stated it did not work when you tried it again. Have you tried rTMS or ketamine infusions or the old MAOI's?
Good luck. I hope you feel even a bit better soon.

Eva said...

Hi Etta,
I can understand going back to the hospital is hard. You want to be home and live your life. For me it has also been a place of safety and support. I hope they treat you well and will help you feel better soon. I will be thinking of you.

Wendy Love said...

Congratulations! You haven't totally lost it! You were able to make the wise decision about where it is best for you to be right now. Way to go! Continuing to pray....

Anonymous said...

Sitting over here, absolutely powerless to help. Wish I could do something for you.

Nathalie said...

Thinking of you Etta and hoping you begin to feel better very soon.
Am in a similar state of mind right now so I do empathise.

Katheryne Patterson said...

I think you are in the right place right now. I know it is hard, but try not to worry about the external things about your job, etc. Those things will be ok and work themselves out. The main thing is focusing on you feeling better. I know that you will, and I'm so proud of you for continuing on that path and getting where you need to be right now.