Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, March 3, 2017

It just hurts

For as long as I've had depression, that's 16+ years, this illness still has the power to amaze. I can't imagine hurting much more than I hurt right now. I can't imagine suffering more hopelessness, emptiness, desperation or despair. I'm barely muddling through each day with a foggy brain and sluggish body. Everyday tasks are now monumental chores. I feel isolated and alone. My world is awash in shades of gray. Gray is hard. Gray is unforgiving. Gray hurts.

4 comments:

dmd said...

Hang on Etta!! Hang on.....this too shall pass....it will....it doesn't feel that way, but it will...it has before and will again...just hang on.....I am rooting for you
Much love,
Denise

paullamb said...

I can say that I know how you feel, but that's cold comfort. Part of the evil of this affliction is the knowledge that it can an will return.

But it will also pass. I'm reaching out a virtual hand to you!

Wendy Love said...

You're so right, it just does hurt!
Sometimes I need to say it out loud, over and over, this hurts! I hate this! I am so tired of this! I call it 'purging' and sometimes it helps, well a bit. But every little bit helps.
Another thing that helps me when my mood dives is this article:

http://chipur.com/13-things-to-immediately-consider-when-you-are-spiraling-downward-and-scared/

Take it or leave it. Sometimes I hate advice when I am down! Other times I gobble it up, look up stuff on the internet with a "what have I missed?" attitude and desperately look for new ideas, new approaches, something I haven't tried yet.

Even if I don't find anything it gives me something to do and makes me feel less like a victim.

Continuing to pray for you.

Katheryne Patterson said...

I appreciate you checking in. I've been checking your blog several times a day to make sure you're ok. Do not give up. Do not give in to it. You will prevail.



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