Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Under the weather

It's been raining for 7 hours. Seven hours. It's cold, wet and gray outside. Unfortunately, it's not much better inside. I'm still feeling under the weather. The virus which began with a sore throat last Sunday has now settled in my chest. I've been trying to rest and take care of myself, but I can't seem to shake the fatigue. With my next marathon only 8 days away, I'm concerned.

In addition to the virus, I had major oral surgery on Thursday. After 3 years my braces are finally off, and I had implant surgery for two missing teeth, the right canine and an upper left molar, about 48 hours ago. I'm not in a lot of pain, but my face is quite swollen. The doc told me to lay low, so that's what I've been doing. Laying low, however, is not great for my mood.

In addition to the virus and the surgery, I also managed to pull a muscle in my back earlier this week. Of the three issues, my back is actually causing the most difficulty. It hurts like hell, and I can hardly move without aggravating it. Dressing, laundry, and even putting on my shoes are painful and challenging. So I'm moving very little.

Fatigue, lying low, and forced rest combined with cold, wet, gray weather, has me feeling a bit off. Worry thoughts have been madly swirling in my head all week. I'm a little anxious about having just finished my last TMS treatment. I'm worried about feeling sore, swollen, and congested one week before a marathon. And I'm concerned about this lingering fatigue affecting everything from my running to my work to my mood.

It's hard not to be worried and scared coming off such a horrendous depression relapse, but I've got to do better. I'm not helping myself by being anxious and impatient. I've got to get out of my head and work on my patience. Everything I'm experiencing is temporary. The congestion will resolve, the swelling will subside, the muscle will heal, and the weather, for sure, will change. It will all happen in its time. I have to remember that. I get in trouble when I want it all to happen right now. Trying to control things I can't control is not good for my mood either. For the rest of today, I think I'll work on acceptance and letting go.


Wendy Love said...

I will pray just that for you, that you will be able to work on acceptance and prayer today.

Katy said...

The every day existence stuff is so hard sometimes isn't it? Hang in there. I struggle with that, too. I blame myself if I don't get up and run. If I don't feel good on my run, I'm to blame, etc. I heard on an interview that addicts use this mantra, "start the day over." I'm not an addict, exactly, but I've been trying to do that. Even it if it is 6:00 PM. I'm going to start the day over now. I'm not saying this works, but I'm trying!