Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, September 23, 2017

A little progress

I'm making some progress both mentally and physically, I think. I just came in from a 3 mile walk with Jet. During our walk, I jogged (I hate the J-word, but that's what it was) a bit to see how my left leg was faring. After walking a little over a mile, I jogged slowly and gently for one tenth of a mile. Later I jogged two tenths of a mile twice. It was slow and tentative, but it was kind of like running.

Because of my weak ankle, I was unable to land on my left heel, so I felt like I was tiptoeing rather than fully running. I also had cramping in my hamstrings and calves, likely as a result of them compensating for my weak hip and quads. Nonetheless, I believe I jogged better today than the last time I tried a few weeks ago. It felt a little easier, and my leg felt a tiny bit stronger.

Unfortunately, any gains I've made have been so small it's hard to tell if my leg is actually stronger or not. That's why I wanted to try running a bit tonight. I'm feeling a little encouraged by the results. But I'm being cautiously hopeful.

I have to be cautious, as nerve injuries are different and difficult. Unlike other injuries which have kept me from running in the past, injuries which I knew would heal with the right treatment, time, and exercises; this injury has no such guarantees. With a nerve injury, my progress can stop at any time regardless of how much work I do or how much time passes. That's the scary reality of having an injured nerve. I'm praying I'm still making some gains. But only time will tell.

Mentally I think I'm also making some progress. I had my fifth Ketamine infusion on Thursday. My mood hadn't been great all week, but I felt better after the infusion. That was a relief. And I'm still feeling lighter today. I'm grateful. I have two more infusions left before my participation in the study will be complete. I'm praying for continued improvement. I'd really like to walk away from my last infusion, just under two weeks from now, feeling confident and back to normal. That would be truly wonderful.


Jean Grey said...

Have you tried kinesiotaping to facilitate your weaker muscles? It might help while they are still weak. I'm glad you could run even a little bit. I'm also glad the ketamine has been helpful, and sorry that you only have access to the limited amount from the study. I have decided to do it- I don't have my first appointment scheduled yet because they are waiting for a form from my psychiatrist. I hope it is soon. I will be private paying for it. But I hope it keeps me out of the hospital and working.

etta said...

@ Jean Grey: Yes, I do use Kinesiotape. Good luck with the ketamine!

Anonymous said...

As always, I take a lot of personal encouragement from your posts. I am currently not running on doctor's orders as we sort out my breathing problem (pulmonary? endocrine? something else?), and while I'm enjoying the mandated rest, I really do want to get back to running. I pretty much waited all of my life to do it and I don't want it lost forever. So hearing you are taking tentative steps to recovery (physically and mentally) gives me hope as well.

Anonymous said...

Still, I've heard so much wonderful, miraculous stuff about ketamine that I'm a little disheartened to learn that it's only working incrementally for you so far. I know every person -- and every depression -- is different, so I'll keep my faith alive as you chart your progress.