Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 18 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Monday, December 11, 2017

11 days, still down

The sooner this year ends the better. Only in this year of weird health dramas (hello, blowing a disc coughing in bed??), only in this year would a routine viral illness, perhaps the flu, still have me down 11 days later with no end in sight! I've already missed 6 full days of work. I actually did make it to work today, but I couldn't do much, as I have not been able to talk for the last 5 days. That's right, I can only whisper, and when you work with geriatric adults, whispering doesn't get you very far. I am so incredibly frustrated!

I'm feeling a little better, physically, but still quite uncomfortable and tired. Not being able to talk, however, really sucks! It's costing me money in lost wages, and worse, it's very isolating. I'm stuck in my house, alone with Jet, and I'm unable to even phone my friends for support or idle chit chat. I've never been a big text messenger, but I guess I should start getting used to it. Like I said, it seems this illness has no resolution in sight.

I'm probably being melodramatic now. Chalk it up to exasperation. This year I've fought and clawed my way back from 2 debilitating, months-long bouts of depression, 5 hospitalizations, a major back injury, back surgery, a four month absence from work, and a 6 month absence from running. After losing a majority of the strength in my left leg and core, I was just getting back to feeling strong and whole again. And to top it all off, I'm a week away from my 50th birthday! This is not how I wanted to celebrate.

I apologize for my negativity. This is not the type of post I like to write, but I wrote it anyway. I'm human. I know this is a temporary condition. I just wish it would speed up and pass. My patience is wearing ever more thin. Words of  encouragement, or wisdom, will now happily be accepted.

2 comments:

Camille Howey said...

Praying for healing and encouragement Etta! I don't know why God has you going through these trials, but I know you have an incredible amount of strength to keep fighting. You have been through so much and are such an inspiration to so many. Nothing wrong with venting now and then, but try to make the best of things- snuggling with Jet, watching a good movie, spa day at home, and most importantly cling to your faith. Things will get better and I pray 2018 is a better year for both of us. And I hope you have a wonderful holiday season

Katheryne Patterson said...

Hang in there Etta. This is a hard time of year. I'm struggling today. I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you regarding the illness. I'm sure you are at the tail end!



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