Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 18 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, December 16, 2017

50? Really?

It's hard to imagine, but I'm still sick. I'm on my second antibiotic for severe bronchitis. I can't stop coughing, and I still can't talk, although I think I heard a squeak when I tried to say something earlier today. Maybe things are looking up.

It's also hard to imagine, but I'll be 50 years old in less than 48 hours. On Monday, December 18th, I'll turn 50. I really can't believe it. They say age is just a number. Well, that's not true. Trust me. I work with the most aged among us. I see it, and am beginning to feel it, on a daily basis. Things change as we age, and so far, I'm not a big fan. But I guess the alternative isn't all that great either, so I'm going to be 50 on Monday whether I like it or not.

This has been a rough year, so you'd think I'd be happy leaving 49 behind, but I'm not. Maybe it's because it's been a rough year that I'm not looking forward to this birthday. I don't feel like I accomplished any of the things I set out to do this year. Rather than jump out of an airplane with my niece, nephew and brother, earn plenty of money to get me out of the country in 2018, or run at least 2 scheduled marathons, I was either in the hospital or home recovering from one thing or another. I lost the most important thing to me, my health, and as a result my lifestyle, this year.

On the other hand, I survived a very rough year. My health is improving. I'm beginning to be able to run again. I still have a job. And I'm still here writing about all of it.

Perhaps I'm stronger than I thought. I dealt with a wide array of difficulties this year, some of which I never imagined would happen to me, but I dealt with them nonetheless. My mood is okay. I beat back the beast of depression twice and held it at bay countless times. I have amazing friends, wonderful coworkers, and very supportive professionals in my life. Those are relationships I cherish. I know I have much for which to be grateful. And I am.

I guess there is another way to look at this. My 50th year can only improve upon my 49th, so I have much to look forward to. And I have friends who insist life begins at 50. I have big plans, so I'll do my best to prove them correct.

2 comments:

Rachael Wood said...

Happy Birthday Etta. Hoping your 50th year is amazing for you xx

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

Happy Birthday, Etta! I'm here to tell you that the 50s can be awesome!



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