Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 18 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, July 22, 2018

A little chaos

I've been thinking. It's easy to do well, play well with others, and take care of myself when things are going my way. Unfortunately, this week not much went my way. I saw it as a test. Could I continue to do what I needed to do despite a bit of chaos.

Some of the chaos involved others. For example, I've been fighting with a shady online retailer for several weeks, and every day which passed made my blood boil just that little bit more. I had never used this retailer before, but they had a great price on a new Garmin GPS watch, so I ordered it. I do most of my shopping online so after perusing all of their policies, I went ahead with my purchase.

Long story short, the unit was defective. I wanted to return it for a full refund, as is their policy. First they tried to convince me I should just get it fixed. Then they agreed to take it back, and even paid for my shipping, but 10 days passed without a refund. I contacted them on an almost daily basis, and they always had a reason for the delay. It was "getting processed," and then it was "getting processed in the warehouse," and then it was "intercepted by their warranty team to determine fault..." Meanwhile nearly 3 weeks had passed and they still owed me $365! That's when I got really angry.

I saw the writing on the wall. I wasn't going to wait for them to tell me they determined the defect was my fault, which would of course allow them to just offer me credit. There's no way I wanted to order anything from this company ever again!

I contacted PayPal. Thank God I paid with PayPal. I sent PayPal every piece of correspondence between the company and I, and despite giving me a timeline of 10 days to resolve the issue, PayPal resolved it within two days. They refunded my money. One headache over.

While in the midst of that daily headache, things at work got a little chaotic, too. We're still busy, but the bigger issue was with a fill-in occupational therapist. I saw him alone in a room with a patient, a patient who had a history of making false accusations. I informed him of this history and suggested he may want to treat the patient in a more visible location. He thanked me and moved. Sounds pretty innocuous, right?

Wrong. Immediately after I spoke with him, he went to the facility director and told her I said something horrible about the patient. The facility director caught me in the hallway, and she was angry! I had no idea what was going on! After the facility director spoke to me, I went to the occupational therapist and asked him why he spoke to the director and what exactly did he say? He repeated the totally bogus words he was certain I had uttered. He informed me he documented the bogus statement in his patient note as well. I was incredulous!

Another long story short, after exchanging heated words with the OT, I re-approached the director to clear my name. Thankfully, she believed I didn't say what I was accused of saying and all was well, but I was still so angry! I couldn't believe what had happened. Here I was trying to protect this employee, and he turns around and sullies my reputation, with an outright lie, in my building! I'm thankful my director knows me well and supported me, but I'm having trouble letting go of my anger.

I'll keep working on that anger. Hopefully that will end the relationship chaos. Unfortunately, I also have chaos at home. I'm sitting among that chaos right now. I had to clear a spot for my computer just to write this post. There's stuff everywhere, and nothing is in its place.

I began a project this week. I'm painting trim and doors and shutters. It was just supposed to be shutters and the front door, but then I added the bathroom door, and then the bathroom trim, and now I've got new knobs and towel hangers, and I'm patching holes... You get the idea. My house is torn apart. Fortunately, I know this is temporary, and it motivates me to continue working, which is what I need to do right now.

I'm not enjoying the chaos, but I'm managing, and so far I'm still feeling well. I'd like things to calm down a bit, but it's good to know I can step up to the challenge if needed. Hope your lives are chaos free! Carry on, my friends.

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