A simple hug

It may come as a surprise to anyone reading this post that I sometimes have a very difficult time reaching out for help.

Today was an incredibly difficult day. This morning I had an MD appointment for my back, an appointment which normally would have taken a few minutes. But in the vast expanse of the Mayo Clinic, it took much longer than that. You see, I could barely move, and it had nothing to do with my back pain either. It was fatigue and lethargy plain and simple. I barely had the energy to move from one end of the Mayo building to the other. Three times I had to stop, sit, and rest. Three times. I felt 81 rather than 51 years old. It was frustrating and mind boggling.

Unfortunately, my mind was boggled throughout the day. My brain was filled with creative, deadly, violent contemplations. I was hanging on for dear life today, both wanting to follow through with the destructive thoughts while simultaneously holding myself tightly against those same compelling urges.

It was a dilemma. And the dilemma was made worse because I only  halfheartedly wanted to fight the suicidal urges. Now what was I supposed to do?

What I decided to do was an impromptu load of laundry, went for a drive to nowhere in the dark, and made a few phone calls. I was lucky. My physical therapy assistant was actually in town, just a few blocks away. It was incredibly difficult for me to ask her to come sit with me, but I did. And she did.

I had little energy or humor for any kind of discussion, but she sat with me, nonetheless. And when she left, we exchanged a hug. A hug. It was such a simple act yet it brought tears to my eyes. Never underestimate your power to comfort a friend, my friends. It surprised me, but I guess I needed that hug.

Take a chance. Surprise someone in your life, today, too. You just might make a bigger difference than you think.