Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Stepping in it

I didn't mean to do it, but I stepped into the middle of something at work today. In an effort to assist a coworker, thinking only of helping the coworker, I inadvertently created an issue which went all the way to the top brass of my facility. In deference to the coworker and other staff at my facility I don't want to say too much about the specific situation, but I'm going to try to process my thoughts anyway.

Basically, in doing what I did, I created something bigger than I anticipated. It never crossed my mind that what happened would happen, and perhaps that's what I'm most concerned about. I didn't think things through.

To be clear, I don't think I did anything wrong. I was concerned about another staff person, and based on my observations and a bit of clinical data, I rendered an opinion about what should be done. And what I thought should be done was quite simple. Problem solved, or so I thought.

My opinion started a ball rolling, which is what I had hoped for, but the ball didn't stop. That's the part I didn't anticipate. The ball knocked through one person after another, as if they were bowling pins, and didn't come to rest until it reached the director of the facility. The director of the facility then questioned whether I was qualified to form the opinion I formed. She wasn't happy. She didn't say she wasn't happy, but I'm not a dope. She wasn't happy.

My simple fix wasn't as black and white as I thought. My opinion created work for others, and my opinion went against the opinions of other staff people who are more directly involved with the person I was concerned about. There were many layers to the issue, and I feel I should have anticipated those layers prior to the director visiting me in my office. But I didn't, and as soon as the director left my office I began to panic and second guess myself. I've yet to stop.

I'm still worried. I don't like making waves, especially if I have no business getting in the pool! Did I do the right thing? Did I have any business rendering an opinion? Was this an issue in which I needed to get involved? I'm still not sure. My gut feeling isn't good.

It's a difficult situation, and I don't like that I stepped into the middle of it without thinking through the ramifications of my involvement. I didn't intend to create extra work for anyone else in the facility, and I didn't intend to devalue or discredit anyone by rendering a different opinion, but perhaps I should have anticipated the potential of both consequences prior to sticking my nose into the mix.


paul said...

Of course you can't reveal more details about the situation, but it's hard for me to imagine that having/voicing an opinion alone was enuf to cause the melt down. Surely others acted on your opinion. Aren't those ACTIONS at fault rather than your mere opinion.

I know I've worked at places where any independent thought was actively crushed and feared (by insecure people). I don't suppose that's the case here.

In any case, I can't say I wouldn't dwell on it. I wouldn't take my licks and walk away, so I can't offer any advice.

Kevin_MHST said...

Hey Etta, I find your blog inspiring I am a UK student mental health nurse and admire your openness about your experience. I understand your wish as well to stay in part anonymous; I wanted to let you know out of courtesy that I am using your blog and experiences fully referenced, for an Essay about the lived experience of mental health. I hope you do not mind me using your blog as a focus for an academic assignment however I have maintained your confidentiality and everything I use will be fully referenced and not used for any personal use. You do not have to publish this comment as this was the only way i could think to contact you!

Kind regards


etta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
daniel pearson said...

Your gut feeling was correct. I had a moderate concussion. Sick with headache and vomiting. So tired. Even now. Always follow your gut. I love you sister!

I love me some push ups!!!!!!!!