Concerned about health

The good news? I'm feeling better. I had my sixth, and hopefully last, Ketamine infusion a few days ago. My mood has improved. I'm not back to normal yet, but I'm relieved and grateful to be feeling better. I'm hoping things continue to slowly improve.

I'm getting back to some of my normal activities. I returned to work. I worked a few hours on Monday and Wednesday, and it went well. It was so nice to be interacting with patients again, and the reception I received from the staff was quite humbling, too. Actually, it was humbling and unexpected.

I'm not trying to be modest, but I really was surprised so many staff were happy to see me, just as I was surprised by their gift of flowers and kind words on a card when I was hospitalized. I guess I don't see myself as part of the bigger picture in my facility. After all I spend 99% of my time within the confines of the physical therapy room. Sure I interact with the rest of the staff, but I didn't know they felt anything more than neutral about me. Like I said, I was humbled by the welcome I received upon my return.

I've been attempting to return to my exercise routine, too. Unfortunately, that's where the bad news comes in. I'm continuing to experience fatigue beyond the level of what I would expect for the amount of exercise I'm doing. It's been frustrating. I go through this every time I recover from a severe depression episode, but that doesn't help me feel any more patient with the process.

I find it especially difficult to be patient because exercise hasn't been feeling good. In my entire history exercise has always been my number one tool for feeling better. But exercise over the past couple of weeks only made me feel worse. I'm getting more concerned about my physical health.

My visit to my doctor this morning did nothing to quell those fears. We reviewed what happened last Friday when I ended up in the ER. Like the ER doctor, she was concerned about my blood test results. We reviewed them together. Not only were my platelets low, my hematocrit was low, several blood cell counts were low, and she pointed out my body did not seem to be producing red blood cells. I also had a low grade fever this morning. That was a new development.

I appreciated the doctor's thorough exam and consultation. Fortunately, her physical exam did not reveal anything abnormal. She ordered new, more complete blood work, and I'm awaiting the results right now. She was concerned about my bleeding risk, secondary to the low platelets, so she discouraged me from exercising for awhile. And I'm going to monitor my temperature for the next several days.

That exercise recommendation is going to be tough to follow. I already feel heavy, slow and fatigued. Exercising even less is going to be easy physically, but it's going to be a mental challenge. Like I said, exercise has always made me feel better, and sitting around has never made me feel better, so I'm going to have to find a compromise, I guess.

I return for a follow-up doctor visit next week. Until then, I guess I'll walk, rather than ride or run, and await the results of my blood work. I'm feeling anxious about all of this. I'm used to being concerned about my mental health, and I have too much experience with injuries, but I have little experience dealing with generalized, and still unknown, physical ailments. It's scary. I don't like it. But I'll deal with it. I hope the docs figure out what's going on soon.