Me--Tougher than I thought

Today was a breakthrough day. No, my mood isn't suddenly 100% better, but something pretty great occurred nonetheless. I ran a race! It was my first race in 2 years and 4 months. That's the longest I've gone without racing in my lifetime of running, which means that's the longest I've gone without running a race in the last 34 years!

I had no business running a race today. It was a race I signed up for months ago because my younger brother was running. He's just returning to racing after many years away from running, so we thought it would be fun to run it together. (And by together, I mean we drove there together, hung out together, and took a few photos together. We raced separately, as he's much faster than I.) But while his training has been going very well, you all know I haven't been "training" at all.

Between my dodgy Achilles tendons and my recent severe bout of depression, which carried with it muscle loss and weight gain, I've barely run at all over the last 3 months. The most I've run, very slowly, was 4 miles early last week. Other than that I've only done some run/walks a few times, like 6 total, over the last 6 weeks. That's it. I had no business running a 10-Mile race today.

I ran anyway. The opportunity to spend time with my brother at a running event was something I didn't want to pass up, so last night I decided to participate. My brother was a very good high school runner. He finished 3rd in his age group at Grandma's Marathon when he was just 17 or 18 years old. He's just getting back into running, and it's fun to see him excited about it again. He's way smarter than I, but with my running experience, this is an area in which I can actually help him. That's fun for me, too.

My brother set his sights on 7 minute miles. I figured if I was able to manage 11-12 minutes per mile, with a combination of walking and running, it would be a banner day. For comparison, I used to run 10 mile races under 8 minutes per mile. I also promised myself I would step off the course if my Achilles tendons became painful. And with that, we were off.

Ten miles later, my brother was disappointed with his 7:30 pace. He finished in 1:15, which for a 49-year-old who hasn't run a race in years is pretty great. I was shocked and excited to cross the finish line in 1:34, an overall pace of 9:22 per mile! What??

Actually, my shock and surprise began very early in the race. I set out slowly, testing my legs, lungs and especially Achilles. My right Achilles was a little sore early on, but no worse than any other day, and the pain actually subsided by the middle of the race. I went through the early miles around 9:30 pace, felt great, and decided to forgo walking at every mile marker as I had planned.

Figuring I'd end up walking later as I fatigued, I initially just walked through each aid station while I got my water and Gatorade. Well, there were aid stations every other mile, and I never walked at any other time. My legs got tired, but I couldn't believe how good I felt, so I just kept going. I ran the second half of the race faster than the first and finished really strong on the 50-yard-line of the Minnesota Gophers football stadium. I could not have been more thrilled! I guess I'm tougher than I thought.

But here's the coolest thing. As I approached the finish line, with my image larger than life on the stadium Jumbotron, the announcer dude announced my name followed by, "She's beating depression one step at a time." It was awesome! Apparently I had noted that on my registration form, but I had totally forgotten that fact, so it was a surprising, goose bump experience! It was very cool.

I'm so grateful the announcer picked me out of the crowd. He had no idea how big that moment, finishing a race, was for me. He had no idea how many injuries I had battled over the past 2 years and 4 months. And he certainly had no idea the hell I had just been through with depression. I wish I could have located him in that stadium in order to give him a hug.

It was a surprising, wonderful day. I had no inkling I would be able to perform as I did and feel great doing it! I may end up paying for this with sore legs and Achilles tendons, but it was totally worth it. I'm proud of myself for taking the chance to run. I'm pleased I didn't push too hard but didn't settle for less than I was capable of either. This race gives me hope for the future. I like hope. I'm going to try to hang on to that feeling for a while.