Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Pre-op Jitters

Part of me just wants it to be over. It will be so much easier when it's done, I think. I hope. The waiting is nearly done, and although I'm anxious, I'm also relieved.

I have to arrive at the surgery center at 6:45 AM tomorrow morning. My hip surgery is set for 8:15. I hope to be home by mid-afternoon. My brother is arriving tonight in order to drive me, in the predawn darkness, the 90 minutes it will take to get to the center. It's going to be a long day for him. I'm grateful for his willingness to take the day off and escort me.

It seems like I've been preparing for this day everyday for the past month. I had a long list of things to get done prior to spending the next 4 weeks on crutches, non-weightbearing on my right leg. I woke up at 4 o'clock this morning and laid there fretting about all the details, some done and some not done, up to this point.

Fortunately I finished a lot of what I wanted to prior to surgery. I worked hard to finish the basement remodel and upstairs painting, which included multiple visits to Home Depot and hours upon hours of hands on work in my house. It wasn't easy, but the end is in sight. I rehung all of my artwork on my freshly painted walls today. Painting a couple of bookcases, that's all I have left, and I'm hopeful I can do that on one leg over the next few weeks.

This blog post is the final item on my long to-do list today. It's 9 PM and this is the first chance I've had to sit here and write. Besides rehanging all of my pictures, I cleaned the entire house (even dusted, yuck!), washed everything in sight (and I mean everything, including rugs, dog beds, sheets, blankets, towels, clothing, and anything else I didn't want to have to deal with for a month), went grocery shopping, spent too much money at Costco, picked up paperwork from my doctor, shoveled and snow-blew the sidewalks and driveway, filled my gas tank, went to a meeting, and did a 4 minute, 30 second plank (more on that in the coming days). 

I guess I do have one thing left to do. I have to shower with an anti-bacterial soap tonight before bed and again tomorrow morning. I'm worried about getting up early, not eating after midnight, the likelihood of a caffeine headache tomorrow morning, and of course the outcome of the surgery. I have to have faith I will be okay. Worrying I won't does no good whatsoever. That being said, I'll take any thoughts or prayers you'd like to offer.

Off to shower. I'll let you know how everything turns out.


Camille said...

Praying all goes well tomorrow, that you have all the help you need. That there would be no complications, you would see a decrease in pain. I pray for patience and compassion for yourself, that your mental health would stay steady during this transition. :)

Am816 said...

Prayers sent. God's Blessing on you now and always.