Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, April 9, 2020

Sad about Jet

It's been a tough day. For the last 8 or 9 months I had an inkling that Jet's eyesight wasn't great. First his eyes began to look a little cloudy. Over the summer, especially around the 4th of July, he quit going to his safe space in the basement when he was scared. He'd get halfway down the steps and then just stop and stand there. After a bit he'd turn around and come back up. But he was still scared, so he'd do this again and again. I wondered if it was because it was dark, so I put a light at the bottom of the stairs. He began going all the way down the stairs after that.

Early yesterday morning he flew out the door into the backyard as he always does when I let him out. A bunny ran right past him, and for the first time ever he didn't charge after it. I could tell he knew it was there, but he just stood there looking around. The bunny stopped on the other side of the yard. When Jet finally located it, he charged. He was on it's tail until the bunny made a quick move to one side. Jet lost him. The bunny was still running away from Jet, but he couldn't seem to locate him. I was crushed.

Today my vet confirmed my fear. Jet is losing his sight. He has a condition called Progressive Retinal Degeneration. The blood vessels which bring circulation to his retinas are shriveling up. He is losing his sight. There is no cure. He will go blind, and that may happen sooner rather than later. He's only seven and a half years old. I know it's not the end of the world, but I am so sad.

I'm sad because I want my boy to have the highest quality of life possible. I want him to run with me, hike with me, and play with me as he wishes. And I especially want him to feel safe and comfortable in his home.

I'm afraid he's already less comfortable in his home. For the last week, every night when I turn out the lights and go to bed, Jet has been standing uncomfortably in my bedroom doorway. Just standing. He usually sleeps in his bed in the living room, but lately I've had to convince him to go to his bed and lie down. I even escorted him there one night, as he just didn't seem to know what to do. He was kind of stuck standing in my doorway.

I already have a light on in the living room, but I guess I may need to add more lights throughout the house. He's never been interested in coming into my bedroom, but I may add a bed in there, too, in case that's changed. He's an anxious dog to begin with. I fear losing his sight isn't going to help.

So I'm sad today. Like I said, I know it's not the end of the world. He's otherwise very healthy. Going blind is not likely to shorten his lifespan. Nevertheless this was a tough thing to hear. I feel like I have so little resilience right now, barely keeping my head above water, so handling another hit has been challenging. Prayers for Jet. And in case you need encouragement, just look at that face!

Love you, Buddy.


HBF said...

So sorry to read this and can only imagine the depths of your distress. Quite a handsome, cheery face! Thank you for that joy :o)

Wendy Love said...

Oh my, that is so sad. And I am sad not only for Jet but for you too. You're right, you are already hanging on by a thread and this is one more blow. But you know, over the years with my own struggles with mental illness, I am often surprised at what I can handle when I am sure I cannot. Jet is still there to comfort you as well as you to comfort him. Take some comfort in those cuddles and kisses that only a dog can give. I am praying for both you and Jet.

Nathalie said...

💔so sorry to hear about Jet💕

Nathalie said...

So sorry to hear about Jet
And you Etta. Take care💕

Unknown said...

So sad, tears for both of you. ❤️