Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 20 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Just weird.

I'm busy, busy, busy and going nowhere. It's weird. I'm getting ready to move to Duluth, yet I have no idea when I might be moving, so there's nothing concrete to do--yet. It's more of a constant mental preparation, I guess. I'm also working, yet I'm heading out the door, so my duties are limited. My company hasn't filled my position yet, so we're unable to respond to all the referrals we're receiving, as I won't be around--as far as I know--to supervise and complete the cases. I feel like I'm moving 100 miles per hour yet I'm standing still. It's hard to explain. It's, like I said, weird.

Perhaps not unexpectedly, my mood has been a bit strange, too. I'm kind of bouncing around. One moment I'm excited about the upcoming job and location change, and the next I'm terrified. I'm anxious to get going and then I'm dragging my feet. One minute I'm busy flying through my list of things to do and the next minute I can barely get off the sofa. I'm mourning the upcoming loss of friends, yet I'm spending my evenings alone binge watching Rizzoli and Isles on Lifetime! (Okay, that was hard to admit.)

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I don't have anything else to say. And I certainly don't have any wisdom to impart. Writing this post is as difficult and disorganized as I currently feel. Weird. Strange. Difficult to explain.

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